Are you afraid of the dark?

Fears are very interesting things when you pause to think about them. There are fears that are ingrained into our very nature, others we grow into over time, and still others that seem to be rather irrational. Yet the majority of what we are afraid of have at least the semblance of an explanation for the why.

As a little kid I remember being afraid of the dark, I mean who wasn't? There was an aspect of the unknown as I peered out the window late at night and nothing was truly discernible. Just a little bit freaky as a little kid. Another thing that didn't really help extinguish this fear was what my sister and I, along with a few of our friends, did with the character and concept of Bloody Mary. Like most kids we had heard the old horror stories about Bloody Mary and how she would come to the one chanting her name in front of a mirror in a pitch black room. From what I recall, we believed that Mary was a Queen of sorts and would help us in succeeding in our lives if we did her bidding but once. Now I'm not sure what happened for my sister, or my friends for that matter, but they all told fantastical stories after going into the bathroom, alone, and with the lights off. When it came to be my turn I went into the bathroom all brave and sure that I would have the best story yet. The lights were turned off and the door was shut. I was left alone in the dark where a dead woman was going to come visit me, I thought I was going to pee my pants! I chanted Bloody Mary's name for what seemed to be forever, yet nothing happened. When suddenly BAM, BAM, BOOM, KNOCK, BAM, BANG, BANG! It seemed that everyone was banging on the door simultaneously. I was scared out of my wits and may have cried just a little bit. Though nothing had happened I told my sister and friends anything they wanted to hear just so I wouldn't have to go through it again. That dark bathroom was scary!!!

My guess is that many of you reading this could share similar experiences from your childhood days. Then what is the explanation for that fear, or is it of the irrational category? I believe that the fear of the dark can both be explained as a fear of the unknown, but also as something ingrained in our ancestors. Way back when people grew accustomed to the fact that those who went off into the night alone didn't often return unharmed, or return at all! As people began to domesticate nature and urbanize the world this became less likely, but it seems the fear remains for many children; some who grow out of it, and others who do not.

As I reflect on this fear, and other fears that I grew up with, the act of rationalizing them, and explaining the why, has pushed a large number of them out of my life. My fear of the dark, of heights, of the ocean, of men with deep voices (this one kind of makes me laugh since I'm now a man with a deep voice), and the list could go on. Each of them seems to have dissipated to the point that I don't really consider them fears anymore, except one. That is the fear of myself.

Now that may sound very weird, and I can honestly tell you that it has nothing to do with me becoming a man with a deep voice (I promise!). But I can say that in many situations I fear me; I fear what I can do and the ensuing consequences. And though I can explain this fear away as being because of not completely understanding what I'm capable of, knowing myself better doesn't change anything. I can explain the fear as a reemergence of an ancient desire to not lead family or friends into danger, looking over my decisions until I am sure of myself doesn't effect the fear at all. I think this is one I'm stuck with. And for that reason I will always be looking for verification from others, but most of all from the Lord to see if what I am doing is really the best thing to be done. And though the fear may not go away, the anxious fretting and nervous second guessing always does.

So, what are you afraid of?