Regret

In the book White Oleander, by Janet Fitch, a very interesting comment is made by one of the characters on the subject of regretting the past. The comment goes as follows,

"You ask me about regret? Let me tell you a few things about regret, my darling. There is no end to it. You cannot find the beginning of the chain that brought us from there to here. Should you regret the whole chain, and the air in between, or each link separately, as if you could uncouple them? Do you regret the beginning, that ended so badly, or just the ending itself?"

Looking back at my life, I can definitely remember things I would say that I regret. As a kid, I wasn't always the most well behaved. But as the youngest of five kids, I quickly learned to play with people's heart strings so that I wouldn't end up getting into too much trouble. I can't even begin to count how many times I had done something against my siblings (either got in a fight with them, or even when I just did something against them in spite) and then going up to them, saying, with puppy-dog-eyes, "I forgive you, do you forgive me?" I would then proceed to stare at my feet in supposed penitence. That got me out of a lot of tight situations, but I've regretted it since.

Then there was that time in elementary school. There was this one guy who really liked to push my buttons. One day, when we were playing basketball, he went to "block" my shot. However, his hand never went much higher than my elbow as he slapped my arm, not the ball. I kind of let my anger get away from me and I began to walk after him with one thought in my mind, I was going to stop this once and for all. Two of my friends had to hold me back to stop me from doing anything stupid. Sure he stopped bugging me, but I regret letting my emotions rule me rather than the other way around.

Another couple instances that really stand out in my mind are from when I was on my mission for my church. There I was, devoting my time to teach others about God, Jesus Christ, and the joy that come into their lives by following their gospel, but I didn't talk to everyone. There were times that I had seen a man three times in one day and found excuses not to talk to him. I regretted that when I later seeing that same individual accepting the message we shared by different missionaries after I had been transferred to a different area.

As reflect on these experiences and all that regret is an does, I'd have to say that regret helps us to become aware of our priorities. However, those feelings of regret are definitely not meant to be harboured in our hearts to fester and grow. When we regret things in the past it is in order to understand what not to do in the future. From the regret of my childhood I've learned that I never want to add to a person's inner turmoil. It is a priority for me to not force someone to do something out of guilt, or for any other reason. From my regret in elementary school I've learned that I don't want to be ruled by my passions. It is a priority for me to decide how I act with a collected mind, striving for the best course of action based on all of my understanding, not just the understanding of how I feel. From the regret of my missionary service I've learned that I can't let responsibilities I have slip by the way side. It is a priority for me to live by my word, to have integrity in all that I do and say. And now that I understand those things I can let go of those regrets and strive not to regret similar experiences in the future.

So I guess what I'm saying is that regret is merely a temporary thing. If we allow it to fester, it becomes something that "there is no end to". So what priorities have your regrets helped you to realize?